Jiahui'sLOVE
Friday, May 16, 2008
10:05 AM
had a rough day today. real bad day.
didn't wanted to like burst out at school in front of so many people. know i hate to cry infront of ppl. but i just could take it i guess. i thought i could just shun it at one side till i get home. then guess someone hit the crying button and cried out abit nia..... haha. couldn't cry like siao infront of ppl right. it'll look pathetic and trying to gain sympathy. lols.
well, just feel that life is just so hard to get by. and money seems to be everything still. to me. i really don't mean to be born like this. just feel stupid sometimes. don't even know if i can make it far. will i ever get to pursue my dreams? i really want to. it's been since i was like in sec school. i have always plan to study this, work as one. now cause of my stupidity and money i can't. i'm stuck. i'm afraid if i don't, i'll regret forever. she says i'm looking down at them cause they can't produce the money. but i'm not. i'm actually asking so i can like help out too. it's like there are so many miscommunicationa dn misunderstanding among us. i can't even be bothered to talk so much. i'm just plain tired of everything. i just want to give up. feel so burden to them. feel so bad being in this world. if only i could disappear. i really don't wanna burden anyone. i don't want ppl suffering and changing themselves because of me. i rather give up on everything if that's the case. i really don't want cause of me. i'd rather die.
so the heavy load was carried frm morning till i took the bus to school. sat in the bus on the verge of just breaking down. i held back. i couldn't. i wouldn't. then went to school, the load lifted abit. then it became even heavier. the workload given was just too intense. i was like so stressed up and i couldn't and didn't know what in the world to find. i was like shooting arrows aiming the at nothign but the air. i was totally clueless. last night had given me a huge headache i was really bursting of strss. how funny. during that time. i just rush through everything. i just briefly describe everything. i can't be bothered and then handed up. and the load was heavier. i didn't do it well. i just merely throw everything in. i don't give a fucking damn. really wanted to just cry at that point of time. huge headache. really wanted to just go home and stay in my room. but of course i can't. cause it's my dearest khimmy's day. i've to be there. and of course i can't dampen the mood and day. so tried to like keep positive. until the point of time i guess i really couldn't take it. cried abit. like i think few drops then stop. haha. guess i just need to throw that tears away of not i think my load would be there. then i'm feeling better abit. load was lighter, but still there.
don't know what i'm doing. unku says i can't substitute someone else. and i shldn't make use. i'm sorry. i too myself feel bad. but then. i realy want someone there for me. someone that i can lean on when i'm breaking down just like today.
today was one of the worst days of my life, and i hate it.
[ + my pink dreams .]]
